What Hurts The Most
by Barbadiangirl
Summary: A man who has lost his wife is a widower. A woman who has lost her husband is a widow. A child who has lost his parents is an orphan. But what do you call parents who have lost their child?


**A/N #1: It's been a while since I've posted anything but uni has been demanding. Happy New Year to you all!**

 **This one-shot is a departure from my usually fluffy pieces. The soap opera 'Days of Our Lives' played a heavy part in Barbadian culture and following the news of the death of Joseph Moascolo (the actor who played one of the villains I loved to hate, Stefano Di Mera) I was watching some clips on YouTube and came across some about the story line where one of the super couple's child died. This piece was influenced by that death in addition to the death of a family member's baby during the holidays.**

 **This was written and published without charahkids betaing for me as he usually would so, any mistakes are mine.**

 **What Hurts The** **Most**

* * *

She sees the doctors coming out of the room and her grip on Chuck's arms tightens. Ellie passes Casey and lays an arm on his shoulder. Her eyes meet with Sarah's and she can't bring herself to speak. Instead, she brings her hands to her mouth as the tears spring to her eyes.

Sarah's eyes dart back and forth between the door to the room where her son is and her sister-in-law. She begins to tremble. "No, no, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" She shrieks and at that moment she can feel her heart breaking into a million pieces.

Carina and Zondra enter the waiting room and are met by the shrill sound and they immediately know that the worst has happened.

Chuck holds his wife in his arms, barely able to stand.

"I'm so sorry. We thought the antibiotics were working but then his alveoli began to fill with more pus and liquid and his oxygen intake became too low..." Ellie trails off.

"No!" Sarah yells again and struggles out of Chuck's hold to run to the hospital room.

"Sarah!" Chuck pulls her back and she slams her fist into his chest. This cannot be happening, not to her baby boy.

Meanwhile, Mary runs over to comfort a sobbing Ellie who feels like she should have done more...even if all the medical evidence said otherwise. "I tried Mom," Ellie cries into her shoulder. As a doctor, there is always this terrible feeling when you can't save your patient but now that said patient was her five-year-old nephew, she feels a thousand times worse. "I couldn't save him." It wasn't supposed to come to this. The antibiotics were supposed to treat her nephew's pneumonia. She was supposed to come out and tell them that everything was okay. This is all wrong.

"I know honey, I know," Mary wraps her arms around her, hugging her close.

Carina notices that Casey, after punching the wall has stormed off in a rage and she follows him. He storms into the chapel and stalks up to the altar, knocking down the statue of the Virgin Mary. He's not one to let his emotions overpower him, but this is too much. His godson deserves better. He crumples to the floor, and Carina, aghast, kneels next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. There are no snappy remarks or insults as she cradles him in her arms as they both let the tears flow.

Zondra stands there in shock. She has seen a lot of death in her time and been responsible for a lot but this one hits her hard. While she had no desire to have any children of her own, Zachary Bartowski had become a big part of her life. Her eyes connect with Emma and together the two make their way over to Chuck who is still trying to console Sarah but is failing as he is near his breaking point too.

* * *

They enter the hospital room and Sarah has to pause to compose herself when she lays eyes on the small, still form of their son. When they reach Zach's bedside, Sarah touches his forehead gingerly. He looked like he was sleeping. She closes her eyes and lets her fingers trace the features of Zach's face: his chubby cheeks which she loved to kiss ever since he was born, his fine lips, and then her fingers trail over his eyes, now closed forever. She remembers when she first looked into his eyes. It was after Chuck had cut the umbilical cord and she'd been able to hold him. He had only cried briefly but once he was in her arms, those cries quietened. It was then that Sarah had stared into his eyes and she had been overcome with a swell of love stirring deep within her. And because of that love, she now finds it incredibly hard to accept this.

"Zach," she sobs, resting her head on his chest. She feels Chuck rubbing her back but that is not enough. She squeezes her eyes shut, wishing that this was all a nightmare, wishing that she would wake up in her bed with Chuck by her side and that he would go make pancakes while she went to wake up Zach. "Zach, wake up for Mummy," she pleads softly.

"Sarah," Chuck says softly, his heart breaking, "he's gone."

She sniffs and moves her hand to Zach's chest where his heart is. When she does this, Chuck remembers the many times he and Sarah would sit with Zach stretched out across their laps, letting him feel their heartbeats and letting him know that their hearts beat for him. Now their hearts were breaking for him.

Sarah doesn't know what to do with herself. Her baby boy is lying there lifeless and she is powerless. She holds his hand in hers and closes her eyes, silently wishing that she could change the situation. She would gladly take his place if it meant he would live. But she can't. Chuck's hand covers hers and gives her a small squeeze.

"His hand is still warm Chuck," Sarah comments. He squeezes her hand tighter.

They stay in the room for an hour, speaking to Zach's body as though he's simply sleeping.

"And you know Daddy promised you to take you to Comic Con when you were older, I'm sorry we can't do that now," Sarah brushes some hair from in his face.

Chuck steps away from them momentarily. This is too much. Talking to Zach and telling him about all these things only makes the pain feel more intense. He wants to yell, at someone, at something. Why? Why must he endure such tragedy and loss?

A nurse knocks on the door and enters the room and Chuck knows that they're probably ready to take Zach down to the morgue.

"Can you give us a minute?" He asks the nurse who gives him a small understanding smile before leaving.

"Sarah, I think maybe it's time to go."

"Remember my heart beats for you," she says and rises from her chair to kiss Zach's forehead. Chuck comes up behind her and wraps his hand around her waist.

"And mine too." He's said his goodbye silently, because he doesn't think he could bring his mouth to utter the words.

He takes Sarah's hand and leads her to the door. She's compliant at first but then she struggles against him and runs back to the bed.

"I can't say goodbye. I can't! Please Chuck! Chuck!" She looks at him with tears in her eyes and he rushes to hold her in his arms, his tears now running down his face as well. "I can't!" How can she say goodbye to the child who means the world to her?

They end up on the floor, holding each other and sobbing in each other's arms. Ellie has already spoken to the nurses on that hospital floor and they understood her request to let the grieving parents have their time with their son.

When they reach home, Sarah has fallen asleep and Chuck really doesn't want to wake her. He sighs and rests his head against the steering wheel. How could things go so wrong so fast? Suddenly, the car becomes a hostile environment for him. There are too many memories of Zach here. He remembers how when Zach was a baby they would have to drive around the block a couple of times for him to fall back asleep after his late night feedings. He remembers how excited Zach was when he got a new booster seat. He remembers when they would sing The Wheels on the Bus on his way to school. He remembers and it hurts.

"Sarah, we're home." He gently shakes her awake.

When she steps out of the car, the first thing she notices are Zach's chalk drawings on the sidewalk and the driveway. The most recent ones were of tractors and other vehicles. He'd done those with Molly's help over a week ago and they remain vivid on the concrete. She remembers how proud he was of this particular set of drawings and how much he wished that the rain wouldn't fall and wash them away. Now she wishes that he would come back and take all this pain away.

 **/\**

"Do you want anything to eat?" Chuck asks her as he heads for the kitchen.

"No, I'm good," Sarah replies, heading to the living room. There, she finds Zach's tractor next to the sofa and her heart clenches at the realization that her son will no longer play with this tractor or any of his toys for that matter in this room.

"What about something to drink then?" Chuck walks into the living room, not paying full attention to where he's going, he stumps his toe. "Aw, I've told Zach he can't be leaving his toys around like this," he murmurs, picking up the offending toy. A moment later, he realizes what he's said and the tears well in his eyes. "I'm gonna clean up in here."

"Chuck, leave it." But he's not listening to her and begins to pick up some of the toys and books closest to him. "Chuck!" Sarah yells and he drops the toy basket.

There's a silence between them which is broken only by a sob escaping Chuck's lips. "I'm sorry," he manages to croak out before dashing from the room.

 **/\**

She's exhausted. Physically and emotionally drained. As Sarah passes the door to Zach's room, she pauses. With a shaky hand, she enters the room. It's only after six so the room isn't that dark and she is able to see her way around. The room which once was filled with so much laughter and joy now feels empty. She walks over to Zach's bed and grabs his pyjama shirt. She brings it to her nose and inhales his scent and for that small moment, she feels as though he's in the room with her. After a moment's hesitation, Sarah curls up in the small bed. She remembers the nights when Zach would have a nightmare and she would lay with him until he fell back into a restful sleep. Now she's living a nightmare.

"Zach, I miss you," she whispers into his pillow.

 **/\**

Chuck is thankful that their family is honouring their request and giving them at least tonight alone. Neither of them were in any mood for dinner and settled for tea and crackers. Now, they've showered and preparing for bed.

"Good night Chuck," Sarah says and eases into bed.

"Night Sarah," he replies. There is nothing good about this night.

They have hardly spoken to each other since coming home and while they both know this is not the time to shut the other out, it's hard not to.

Twenty minutes after they've turned out the lights, Chuck reaches over and rests his hand on Sarah's back. Immediately she turns and snuggles into his frame.

"I need you Sarah," he says softly.

"I need you too Chuck."

"Please don't shut me out. I won't get through this if you do."

"It hurts so much Chuck," Sarah sobs. It hurts more than any torture she has ever experienced.

* * *

Jack looks at his daughter and sighs sadly. He's with Emma and Sarah at the church for what he knows will be one of the hardest days of his life. He hadn't been the best father to Sarah and when he had found out that she was pregnant with Zach, he had made a decision to be a better grandfather. And he had kept his word. With Chuck's help, he was able to strike a deal with the government and he finally settled down. He had also had the time to begin to repair his relationship with Emma and though they were not together again, at least they were friends and had done a lot of activities together with their grandson. He glances at Emma who is by his side and can see the same worry for Sarah on her face. "Sweetheart, you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do," Sarah replies, running a hand through her hair. Zondra and Carina had helped her with her makeup and wardrobe for today because if she's honest with herself, she could not have made herself look this presentable.

"Please let us go with you," Emma pleads, placing a hand on Sarah's arm.

She smiles at them for a second, maybe less. Her smiles no longer last any longer. She's appreciative of their concern. "No, I need to be alone with him."

Her parents sigh and look at each other sadly. "Okay, we'll be right here if you need us," Jack says and kisses her forehead. Sarah nods and turns on her heel, walking away from them. As Jack watches her go, he wishes he could take all of this pain away.

"Oh my God Jack," Emma sniffs and buries her head in his chest. "I don't know how we're going to make it through this."

"It'll be okay Em," he wraps his arms around her. Truth is that he doesn't know how they will either. He is very concerned for Sarah. He knows that she's been pulling away- from Chuck, from Ellie, from them...from everyone. And he knows that that is not good. But on the other hand, he knows that people deal with grief in different ways and he doesn't want Sarah to feel as if she's being attacked. So he resolves to be strong for her.

Her paces are slow as she makes her way to the front of the church where the casket is. Sarah pauses when she reaches halfway and holds on to a pew to steady herself. For a moment she feels lightheaded and dizzy and she wonders if the exhaustion and emotional turmoil of the past week is finally catching up on her body. After a minute, she composes herself and completes the walk to the casket. She's never liked going to funerals and in truth she hasn't been to many unless it was for the cover, and even then it wasn't that often. The only one she remembers from her childhood is that of her grandfather and that was when she was maybe seven. She remembers back then; she had thought that he was just sleeping. Now, looking at the hardwood casket which contains her son, she feels completely overwhelmed. Her fingers glaze over the bottom and she tries to steel her emotions. All of the CIA's training has been of no help to her. Her emotions are flowing like a river that has broken its banks and she cannot control them- not that she has the energy to.

With trembling hands, she lifts up the upper part of the casket. There, with a peaceful look on his face rests her baby boy. He's wearing a blue suit and a white gardenia is attached to the pocket. Seeing him in the suit reminds Sarah of the day they had actually bought it for him. He was so excited that he was going to be the ring bearer in his Uncle Casey's wedding and didn't want to take it off in the boutique. She smiles at the memory.

"Oh Zach, baby boy, I miss you so much," she says softly. It's been a week since his passing and she misses him more with each passing day. She won't get to see that exuberance on his face like that day in the boutique. She won't get to see the pride in his eyes like at the wedding when Casey told him he had been a good soldier. She won't get to see him in another suit like this one at his high school and college graduation or at his wedding. There are so many things she isn't going to get to experience with him and she feels her knees begin to buckle.

She feels a comforting hand on her back and turns her head slightly.

"I'm here baby," Chuck kisses her temple.

"This is wrong. Chuck this is wrong!" She says, looking at the smooth face of the five-year-old.

"I know baby."

"Why was he taken from us?"

He's silent because he doesn't have the answers she needs.

"Oh Chuck, our baby boy!" She sobs, fingers going to cover her mouth.

"Sarah, I know it hurts but think of it this way: never again will he be in fear, or pain or will he be hurt." The words leave his mouth and though he knows it's a logical conclusion, the words do nothing to comfort him. There's a gaping hole in his chest and he doesn't know how or when he will ever feel whole again.

She knows he is hurting and that he's saying these things to comfort her and had it been anyone but Chuck, she would have probably lashed out and screamed at them to leave her alone. "But never again will we see him happy either Chuck!" Sarah wails.

"I know, I know," replies Chuck, his voice cracking. He tries to lead her away from the casket. "Sarah, come on, let's move away from here for now."

"No, not yet. I have to make sure he has everything he needs, Chuck," she insists and only steps a few feet away to grab a bundle before returning to her child's side once again.

"His favourite blanket," Chuck smiles sadly when he sees the Star Wars blanket in his wife's arms. Morgan had given it to Zach the same day he learned that he had been chosen to be one of his Godfathers.

"He never wanted to sleep without his blankie," Sarah comments. She remembers how they would always need to ensure that it was in his bag whenever he was sleeping away from home. They had only ever forgotten it once, when he was three and Casey had been the one who had to suffer through Zach's tantrum.

"And his favourite teddy," Chuck says as he touches the soft fur of the stuffed animal. This was the first stuffed animal they had bought for the nursery.

"Just put your arm around it baby. Remember what Mummy always told you. It's like having Mummy all through the night..." Sarah chokes back the tears as she places the bear under Zach's arm. "Oh my baby." She's no longer able to hold back the tears as she looks at the two newly placed items in the casket.

"Chuck, Sarah?" Emma's voice breaks them out of their silent vigil. "Are you ready to go now?" She knows how much they are hurting and is trying to lessen their pain.

"Sarah?" Chuck sniffs, holding out his hand to her.

"No wait. They cut his hair too short and..." Her voice trails off as she moves to the bench, digging in her bag for a comb.

"It's alright darling," Her father comes up to her.

"No," Sarah sniffs and shakes her head defiantly. "No, it's all wrong. I'm his mother! He's my baby and I can't...I can't..." She feels her lungs begin to constrict as the aching in her chest increases.

"Sarah," Emma begins but Sarah cuts her off.

"Please. This is the last thing I can ever do for him. I can at least make his hair how he liked it."

Chuck looks at his in-laws and nods his head. They understand his request and Jack leads Emma to one of the pews at the back of the church.

Sarah walks back over to the coffin and sweeps a small bit of hair from her son's face. She's overcome by grief and the comb drops from her hand.

"He always wanted his hair to be curly...like yours," she says using her fingers to curl his hair. "He always wanted to be like his Daddy," she cries, remembering how she often joked with Chuck that she carried Zach for nine months and spent nineteen hours in labour only to have him look exactly like his father and wanting to do everything he did.

"He loved you so much Sarah," Chuck says, wrapping his arm around her.

She sighs sadly, and turns to hug Chuck. "And he loved you too." She lays her head on his chest, a fresh set of tears coming from her eyes and seeping into Chuck's suit. They stay in that embrace for a moment, drawing strength from each other. Sarah feels a wetness in her hair and she lifts her head to look Chuck in the eyes.

He's breaking. He has been trying to be strong for Sarah but seeing Zach in the casket and realising that they now have to refer to him in the past tense is too much. The pain he feels is agonising. His breath becomes shallow and rapid as he attempts to calm himself down. But it's not working. Memories of Zach's life- from the time they found out Sarah was pregnant, their first ultrasound, his birth, holding him for the first time, when they first brought him home from the hospital, his reaction when they first introduced him to solid food, his first steps, his birthdays, his love for the annoying cartoon Peppa Pig...all of those memories which he's kept so close to his heart. And now, that's all he has left. Memories.

Hot tears seer the surface of his cheeks and he wants to scream. He wants his son back!

Sarah sees the emotional turmoil her husband is going through and she pulls him closer to her, trying to ebb the pain. She waits until the heaves no longer wrack her husband's frame before she looks up at him again. His eyes are red and she reaches up to touch gently his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into her touch, sighing softly.

"I'll always love you baby," Sarah says and leans down to kiss her son on the cheek.

"Little man, you made us so happy. I love you." Chuck follows suit and kisses his son on the forehead.

The couple looks at each other, and then back to the casket. Together, they close it again, each committing the peaceful image of their son to memory.

* * *

"For those of you who don't know, we're Zach's Godfathers," Morgan introduces the pair.

"When Chuck and Sarah asked me to be his Godfather, I was really honoured," Casey begins in a much gentler tone than most had come to associate with the gruff NSA Agent.

"Yeah, me too," Morgan chimes in. "He was a really special child. Always smiling and so bubbly. He could even get Casey to smile and let me tell ya, you don't know how much of a chore that is!" Morgan quips much to the amusement of some in the congregation. But when Casey growls next to him, he decides to carry on. "And he was smart too. He would always come home and play 'Teacher', teaching you about all the things he learnt at school that day. And I was always so amazed by it because even weeks later, he would still remember it and I knew that he was going to be a brilliant mind of his generation."

"And even though Zach was so much like his father by taking to the nerdier side of life, I still saw pieces of his mom, Sarah shining through in him. When he made up his mind, it was pretty hard to change it." He'd learnt that first hand when Zach was a toddler and insisted on eating mashed potatoes rather than the mashed squash Sarah had left for him. "Even though she never wanted him to get a bump or a bruise, Zach wanted to be a pitcher." He chuckles as he remembers when Sarah nearly had an aneurysm at that. Had she had her way, he would have been wrapped in bubble wrap. "He heard stories of his Uncle Devon being one in high school and he wanted to learn how to do it. So because of him, our whole family began playing baseball...And let me tell you, for a little kid he had an amazing arm. But I don't think he could've thrown a curve ball. He was too much of a straight shooter. His parents taught him never to lie and to always be true. And that's what he did." He was a good little soldier. My little soldier.

"Zachary Bartowski, even though he lived a short life, taught me so much. If you ever watched him interact with his family especially, you would see that he was such a loving child and that he tried to spread happiness to everyone; whether it was through a new drawing for his grandparents, or sharing his toys with his cousin Clara, or playing Cops and Robbers with his Aunts Carina and Zondra when they came to town, or helping Aunt Ellie bake, or sitting on his Uncle Devon's back while he did his push ups, or having an eating contest with me, which he always won by the way, or building forts with his Uncle Casey and Aunt Gertrude... It really didn't matter what it was. He always brought love and light to our lives. Chuck and Sarah, you did a fine job with him. And though we may not ever feel whole again after this loss, I hope that we can all follow Zach's example and love each other."

"To Sarah, and Chuck, I know it hurts and but I also know that you two were the best parents to Zach that you could have been. You made sure that you taught him the right principles, and most importantly, you loved him with all that you had. And he loved you too."

When they end their eulogy, Casey and Morgan both pause at the casket.

"Rest in peace my little soldier," Casey says and pats the casket.

"Uncle Morgan loves you buddy."

They stop by the front pew where Chuck and Sarah are seated. Sarah stands and hugs Casey while Chuck hugs Morgan.

"Thank you so much John," Sarah says.

"It was my honour Sarah. We're family."

"Morgan, I can't thank you enough."

"Remember I'm always here for you bud."

The rest of the service is a blur for Sarah. The children from Zach's class sing two of Zach's favourite nursery rhymes and that starts a fresh set of tears. She feels angry that the parents of these children will get take them home after the service while hers will be laid to rest in a grave yard. This isn't fair!

"Zach!" She wails, turning to bury her face in Chuck's shoulder. "I want my baby back!"

* * *

At their request, only the family and the priest are in the graveyard. There's a chill in the air and Sarah feels as though she can't put her baby in that cold ground.

"Daddy, why hasn't Zach woken up yet?" Six-year-old Clara looks up at her father.

Devon and Ellie share an uncomfortable glance with each other. Ellie's eyes are misty and she opens her mouth to explain but one word barely leaves her mouth before her voice begins to crack.

Devon stoops down to her level and takes her hands in his. "Well, um you see, Clara, Zach won't...well he won't wake up."

"Why not?" She pouts in confusion. "If he doesn't wake up who am I going to watch Frozen with?"

"Clara honey," Mary enters the conversation seeing the distress on Devon's and Ellie's faces. "Zach is really tired, so he needs to sleep for a long while."

"Oh," Clara sighs sadly. "I love Zach Mimi. I am going to miss him."

Close to the Woodcombs stand Casey and Gertrude. "You okay Casey?" Gertrude lays a hand on his chest. It's a stupid question but she doesn't know what to say. She just feels so helpless. She didn't care for children but like Casey and Morgan had said, Zachary Bartowski was special and he had wormed his way into her heart.

"No I'm not," Casey admits.

Morgan holds tightly to Alex's hand as they make their way over to the casket to place the roses on Zach's casket. "I'm right here Morgan," she tries to comfort him.

"I just never thought I'd have to say goodbye to him so soon," Morgan says sadly. Alex squeezes his hand tighter.

Soon, everyone has placed their roses on the casket, save Chuck and Sarah. Holding hands, they approach.

"Zach, you will always be in my thoughts and in my heart. I will never stop loving you," Chuck says emotionally and lays down his rose.

"I can't say goodbye to you my baby because you will always be in my heart. You will be in my heart for all of eternity...and should eternity end and start all over again, even then I will love you. I've loved you even before the day you were born, from the moment I found out I was carrying you I've loved you and I'll love you till the day I take my last breath."

They step back and watch as the casket is lowered into the ground.

The scene is too much for Sarah and she pulls her hand from Chuck's and turns on her heel. She rushes past her family, her vision blurry as the tears come running down her face.

"Sarah!" Emma calls out to her but it only makes her take off in a sprint.

"We'll go after her," Carina offers and she and Zondra take off after their friend.

Meanwhile, Chuck is frozen in place. He felt the loss of warmth when Sarah pulled her hand from his but his eyes are transfixed on the casket being lowered. He can't say goodbye!

He lunges forward, screaming. "NO! NO!"

Casey, Morgan and Devon rush to restrain him. Chuck struggles in their grasp. This can't be happening. His son is in there. He's tired of fighting against the three men and sinks to his knees. "Zach!" He wails, edging closer to the open hole until he can finally see his son's small casket at the bottom. "Oh Zach!"

"This is all my fault," he croaks.

"Chuck, man there was nothing you or anyone else could do," Devon tries to make him see reason. His heart is breaking at the crushed Chuck in his arms.

"I should have protected him Devon! But I didn't...He's gone!"

"Chuck," Mary comes over and rests a hand on his shoulder. He pays her no attention and continues to look forlornly at the grave as the tears streak his face.

Molly huddles into Jack and Emma and Clara buries herself in her mother's shoulder. Among the extended Bartowski family, the pain of their loss flows.

 **/\**

She needs to get away. There's too much pain. It hurts too much. She's run in heels before during missions but the pair on her feet feel like an extra weight and she slows momentarily to shrug them off. Once done, she continues to run. She doesn't care if she ruins her stockings. She wants to run until her head feels lighter. Until she is numb.

Zondra and Carina catch up with her at the western gate to the graveyard. She's sitting on one of the benches, her face buried in her hands.

"Sarah?" Carina says softly.

She sniffs and raises her head to look at him. Although they used waterproof makeup, Sarah's mascara is running and Carina thinks to herself that the grief that Sarah feels is too intense for any brand of makeup to stay in place. They take a seat on each side of her and Zondra takes a tissue, gently wiping the tears away. It's futile, she knows as those tears will soon be replaced by anther set but she feels so useless otherwise.

"You know, even though I had had a bit of experience with Molly and then with Clara, I was still terrified when I found out I was pregnant. I mean really, instead of throwing knives, I'd be wielding a breast pump," Sarah jokes. "But then we had the ultrasound, and I heard his heartbeat and it was like an epiphany: I was having a baby. And when I first held him, I felt like I'd known and loved him my whole life. He was my precious baby boy and I vowed that he would always know how much I loved him."

"He did Sarah. Zach knew you loved him," Zondra tries to comfort her.

"And he loved his Mummy very much," adds Carina.

"Maybe I didn't deserve him."

Zondra and Carina share a look. "Don't say that Walker."

"No," she insists. "It's true. I mean, Langston Graham's Wild Card Enforcer, the Ice Queen, I didn't deserve him or his love. He was too good of a soul to have someone like me as his mother.

"Don't you dare say that Sarah!" Carina cries. "You can't honestly believe that. You were all of those things, until you met Chuck. You were a great mom to him and you definitely deserved his love."

"I wanted him to have a good childhood. You know? One that was better than mine. I wanted him to be able to go to football practice and to have his family in the bleachers watching him. I just wanted him to be happy."

"And he was Sarah," Zondra tries to make her friend see the truth. "He might not have gotten to join a football team, but he's the reason we play baseball now. There's a lot that he didn't and won't get to do but there is so much that he did. I know that he was happy. He was showered with love and that's one of the most important things a child, or anyone for that matter, needs to experience."

"It's just so hard," laments Sarah. "I miss him so much my heart hurts."

* * *

That night, Chuck and Sarah fall asleep in each other's arms.

 _"Mummy, Daddy?" A small voice calls out in the darkness._

 _Sarah stirs, causing Chuck to also awake. "Zach, buddy, what are you doing up?"_

 _"I couldn't sleep," the five-year-old says._

 _Sarah sits up in the bed and turns on the bedside lamp. "Come on baby." She scoots around and makes room for the small child._

 _Zach runs over to the bed with his teddy bear under his arm. "Andy couldn't sleep either," he says to his parents as he settles in between them._

 _"Mhmm, well maybe you and Andy need another story," Sarah comments as she smiles down at the brown haired boy._

 _He smiles widely. "Yes, we would like that."_

 _And so Chuck and Sarah take turns narrating a story to Zach._

 _"Good night baby boy," Sarah says and kisses him on the forehead when she notices his eyes are beginning to droop._

 _"We love you," adds Chuck._

 _"Night Mummy and Daddy," Zach yawns. "I love you too, forever and ever and ever."_

As their identical dream experience ends, both Chuck and Sarah feel a wave of calmness sweep over them.

* * *

 **A/N #2: Death stories are tricky in my opinion. I was unsure with how I wanted to end this story and this is what I ended up going with.**

 **I don't know when next I will post on here, so until then,**

 **xoxoxoxo**

 **~Bg. 13/01/2017**


End file.
